Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
