he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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