:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
