i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
