I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
