all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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