put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
