I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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