im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
