He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
