i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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