I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
