i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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