I think i peed on brittanys purse
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
