Plan B is the new Plan A
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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