i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
