i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
