I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
