How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
