I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think I just sharted jello shots
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