I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
