Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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