farters have to be the big spoon...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
