So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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