these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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