At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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