I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
