how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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