he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
