PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
