Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
There are leaves in my underwear?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
