Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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