I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
