New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
