This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
