cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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