is your mom at the bar?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
