Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
