Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
