I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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