everyone is single if you try hard enough
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
