you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
