Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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