I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
