I want to stick my p in your. b.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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