I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
