dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
