Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
