I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
