Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
