i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
