Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
