i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
