Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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