my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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