I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
