Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
