she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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