you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
