I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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