Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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