I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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