No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize