I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
