lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
