dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
