Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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