can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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