Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize