If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The air taste purple.
Randomize
