its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you guys were way drunker than both of me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
