Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
