ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
