just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
