Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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