I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
