I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
