Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
