Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
