There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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