Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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